“Hey”, “My name is B.J” I live with my brother Franklin hes 15. I’m 11. “oh my is B.J short for Bobby Jot”. I love farming and selling stuff like food and old toys that the neighbors throw over the fence. I know, you must be thinking hes cheap.My brother Franklin is cool hes good at using his shotgun and mini kife he uses it to kill people that try to take our food. He say he might get my a weapon, a non-shooting one because he thinks i’m not trained dad trained him to use a gun.
Theres this thing going on in our country called hunger warz because the town is running out of food the war is the reason the war between the Nazi and USA. I don't care my brother says not to worry.
“Lets go” shouts Franklin. Why? “because we need food” “ohh yeah so I could sell aye”
“ Nooo! you dum dum, so we can win or something” “win what? I start to lose my voice.
“the hunger warz” “ but, but isn't Sand hill King City safe” “No, Fire Hill town is coming for us we need to fight” “ok” I replied.
“Lets get going”
We rushed at the people from FireHill Arm they shoot at us. I smees they are bad aimer because they keep missing and shooting other stuff around us. Gone. One of the Fire Hill soldier gets killed by Franklin. His in front of me. Then it all beings the crowd behind us rushes us to the soldiers arrrrh, boom, boom, boom.
3 comments:
One thing I love about your narrative story is that it was very funny and good
My favourite sentence of your story is I love farming and selling stuff like food and old toys that the neighbours throw over the fence.
One thing I think you could work on next time is to write some of your sentences correctly.
* One thing I love about your narrative story is how you added lots of punctuation.
* My favourite sentence of your story is One of the Fire Hill soldier gets killed by Franklin. His in front of me. Then it all beings the crowd behind us rushes us to the soldiers arrrrh, boom, boom, boom.
* One thing I think you could work on next time is add more full stops.
Thank you Cypress and Alazae For giving me feedback I will try to work on it.
Your Friend Tanisslous
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